Hitler Goes to Equestria
by Old Dan
Summary: What happens when earth's most infamous dictator shows up in Equestria? Will our hero (and I use that word very loosely) manage to find his way back home? Rated T just in case.
1. The Beginning

_Summary: What happens when earth's most infamous dictator shows up in Equestria? Will our hero (and I use that word very loosely) manage to find his way back home? Rated T just in case.  
_

**(a/n This story is the result of a bet made between me and a friend. We wanted to see what would happen if Hitler wound up in Equestria. Please do not interpret this as a Neo-Nazi troll fic. It's merely a satire made for fun.)  
**

* * *

It was just another morning at Sweet Apples Acres.

"Another day, another apple." Applejack mused as she got up. Big Mac and Granny Smith had already gotten up and their half-eaten breakfast was on the table.

"Don't tell me I overslept!?" Applejack shouted.

"Eeyup." Big Macintost said.

The yellow mare hopped to one foot to another nervously.

"Applejack, calm yourself." Granny Smith said. "Now why did I tell you to calm yourself, again?"

"I overslept Granny." Applejack said, acting like it was the end of the world. "It's almost parasprite season. We ought to get as many apples in as possible." She sped to the Apple Orchards.

* * *

Applejack bucked tree after tree as fast as she could. When parasprites came, it usually wasn't pretty. Pinkie Pie always managed to deal with them, but usually not until a swarm of them came and ate all the apples off the trees.

Deciding she better buck a whole lot faster, she started kicking harder. This one tree just wouldn't move. "Buck!" she angrily said before some weird looking thing fell from the tree.

* * *

"Where am I," said the dizzy and confused Fuhrer of Germany.

"What the hay just fell out of that tree?" Applejack asked, examining the creature further. It was about five feet tall with brown hair and a short mustache.

"Excuse me, little mare." the German dictator laughed. "For a second I thought you talked."

"Uh, I just did."

"Ahhhh!" as quick as he fell out of the tree, Hitler was back in it. "What Jewry is this?"

"Don't know such thing about 'Jewry' but my name is Applejack and this here is Sweet Apple Acres." she said, unaware of this strange creature's identity.

"Where am I?"

"Well, you're in Equestria. Ponyville to be exact." Applejack replied. She didn't think that this... whatever the hay it was, was from Equestria. It might be one of Discord's shenanigans, but she couldn't be for sure.

"How did I end up here?" slowly, Hitler slid down the tree, still not trusting his eyes. Was this heaven? Or was it hell? Or was it something else completely?

"I don't rightly know. You just fell out of that tree. I have to get all the apples picked before parasprite season when all those pesky critters come and devour anything in sight." Applejack replied.

"What are parasprites?"

"I reckon you've had a hard day. Why not have breakfast with mah family?" she said, ignoring his question. Falling into a whole other world could be tiring.

* * *

"It's the strangest thing I ever saw. That's for sure." Granny Smith said as she examined Hitler, who was devouring the food like a ravenous canine.

"Eeyup." Big Mac said.

"I was thinking of showing it to Twilight and seeing what it is and does." Applejack said. "Big Mac, you wouldn't mind working on your own for awhile?" she hated to ask that, but this creature was just too intriguing to put aside.

"Eeyup."

"Is that all he says?" Hitler asked Applejack.

"Eeyup." Applejack replied.

* * *

The two made their way to Twilight's quickly. Applejack was kind of worried how ponies would act if they saw him. The worse that could happen...

"Hey AJ, haha that rhymes."

_Oh sweet Celestia no._

"Uh, hi Pinkie." Applejack said, turning around nervously, trying to hide the Fuhrer from Pinkie Pie's eyes.

Then she glanced at Hitler. "Who's this?"

"My name is Adolf Hitler, Fuhrer of Germany." Hitler said.

"Well hi there, Adolf." Pinkie Pie said, extending her hand.

"Most people call me the Fuhrer." Hitler said. He wasn't used to be treated like this. Most people looked at him with respect, or fear. This pony was jumping around and treating him like a regular person. This hadn't happened in a few years. Kind of refreshing.

"Silly. Best friends don't call each other things so formal." Pinkie Pie said.

"Wait... what?"

"Well, Pinkie. It was nice letting you meet, uh, Adolf, but we really have places to be." Applejack said, worriedly.

"Okay dokie. Come over to my place later Dolfy, I'm going to make cupcakes with Rainbow Dash. It's going to be fun." she smiled evilly.

"Well, that's very interesting. Let's go... Dolfy..." Applejack giggled.

* * *

"Whew, we're finally out of that." Applejack sighed as they reached Twilight's door and knocked.

"Hi Applejack." Twilight opened the door. When she opened it further she saw some kind of weird, crazy looking creature. "What in the world is that?" she asked, nearly shutting the door.

"That's what I wanted to ask you." Applejack said.

"Well, you'd better come in." Twilight said, opening the door again.

* * *

"Where's Spike?" Applejack asked.

"Taking one of his seven hour bubble baths." Twilight sighed.

"Who's Spike?" Hitler asked.

"He's my baby dragon." Twilight said.

"Oh." he was loving this place more and more.

"So, uh, Adolf. Make yourself comfortable, then maybe you can tell us about yourself." Twilight said.

Sitting down, Hitler explained to them that he was the leader (they insisted on calling him "King.) of Germany, a far away land where a race called Aryans live.

"Interesting. And Applejack mentioned you keep mentioning something called Jews." Twilight asked.

"Yes. They are the scum of the German people. They betrayed our country in the First World War." Hitler angrily preached.

"The First World War?" Twilight asked inquisitively. "You mean there were two?"

"Yes. We are currently at war again, fighting against the Americans, British, French, and Russians." Hitler said. He didn't know how much to reveal to these ponies but they seemed like understanding folk.

"So what happened before you ended up here?" Twilight asked.

"Well, we were losing the war. The Russians had just invaded Berlin."

"Berlin?"

"Yes, it's our capital." Hitler explained.

"Like Canterlot?" Twilight asked.

"Yes, a lot like Canterlot." Hitler agreed. He had seen the city on the mountain and it reminded him of his vision of Berlin. Well, maybe it was less eccentric than his vision of Berlin, but still. He was interrupted from his thoughts by a purple dragon in a towel leaving the bathroom.

"Hey AJ, didn't... What the heck is that!?" Spike shouted, looking at Hitler with the expression of one of Fluttershy's frightened bunnies.

"Spike, this is Adolf Hitler, the King of Germany."

"The king of what-now?"

"The King of Germany. Somehow he ended up in our world, but he has to get back so he can stop the Jews from conquering the world." Twilight explained. She didn't know what these "Jews" were, but from Adolf's description, they seemed like dangerous creatures.

Spike examined the Fuhrer carefully. "Hi."

"Heil!" Hitler gave Spike the Nazi salute.

"Well, I'll have to write a letter to Princess Celestia explaining your predicament. Don't worry Adolf, you'll be back in Germany in no time." Twilight said kindly. She liked this strange looking creature. He was very charismatic and made you want to believe every word he said. "In the meantime, you can stay with Applejack and her family."

* * *

**(a/n Well, that's the first chapter. Hope you got the Cupcakes reference ;) . Review, I'll even accept suggestions for scenarios.) **


	2. Applebloom and the Crusaders

**(a/n I'm on a streak. Hope you liked the first chapter. Truth be told, I wasn't expecting to get so many views already. Kind of gave me the inspiration needed to write chapter two.)**

* * *

As Hitler and Applejack were leaving Twilight's house, they heard a party horn.

"Oh Celestia no," Applejack covered her face with her hat.

"Hi, Dolfy, welcome to your Welcome Party. Haha!" Pinkie said, laughing at her own joke.

"Hey everyone, this Dolfy-"

"Adolf Hitler!" the Fuhrer angrily corrected.

"Right. This is Adolf, he's new here."

The ponies all came closer to get a better look at him. Most of them were confused.

_I'm beginning to stop liking this place_, he thought as he was hoisted up in the air by Pinkie Pie.

"Three hip hip hoorays. Hip hip-"

"Hooray." the ponies said confusedly.

"Hip hip!" Pinkie Pie said again.

"Let me down Pinkie."

"Let him down Pinkie," Applejack reiterated. "He isn't just some average thingamajig. He's royalty."

"Ooh," the ponies said interestedly.

"In fact, he's the king of Germany." Applejack said.

"Aah," the ponies looked at Hitler, examining him. He really wished he had been wearing his more ceremonial uniform. But he was more or less in his "casual" uniform.

* * *

"So he's staying at your house?" Scootaloo asked excitedly.

"Yeah. Applejack said he's staying until he finds a way to get back to his world." Applebloom said excitedly. "Royalty is staying at my house!"

"You know what we should do," Scootaloo asked with a big grin on her face.

"What?"

"We should charge ponies money to see him. Then we can get our cutie marks in-"

"Applejack would never allow it." Applebloom said in a rare moment of foresight. "She'd say he isn't just some animal you can put up for exhibition."

"Can't we at least go meet him?" Sweetie Belle said. "It's not everyday we meet a king."

"Don't see a reason not to," Applebloom agreed.

* * *

"Hello little ponies," Hitler said as he lay down on the bed Applejack was kind enough to loan him.

"Hello, uh, Your Highness." Applebloom said, she and the other Cutie Mark Crusader did a quick bow. "We wanted to know if you have a Cutie Mark."

"What?" Hitler asked. What was a Cutie Mark.

Scootaloo pulled down his pants. "What kind of pony wears clothes under their clothes?"

Red as a beet, Hitler pulled his pants back up. "Whatever a cutie mark is, I'm pretty sure I don't have one."

"So what is your special talent?" Applebloom asked.

"Need any Jews you need exterminated?" Hitler asked.

"You're an exterminator?" Applebloom asked.

"In a way."

"You know what I want to do? I want to show him to Rarity. She'll probably criticize his clothes or something. _'Oh darling, whatever are you wearing.'_ Then we can tell her he's actually royalty." Sweetie Belle laughed, jumping up and down. "She'd be so embarassed."

_I hate you God_, Hitler thought. _I hate you so much_.

"That's enough girls. Let Adolf get his rest," Applejack said impatiently as she entered the room.

"Aaah, come on Applejack." Applebloom said.

"No," was the older mare's reply.

Suddenly, the Cutie Mark Crusader pulled out on the biggest puppy dog faces Hitler had ever seen.

Applejack twitched a bit, trying to resist. "Fine!" she relented.

"Yay!"

"I know it's a bit much, but this really means a lot to them." Applejack whispered to Hitler.

* * *

"So, Mister Adolf-"

Applebloom nudged Sweetie Belle.

"Uh, I mean, Prince Adolf-"

"Just call me the Fuhrer!" Hitler snapped. He was fond of kids, but these kids were driving him crazy.

"Mr. Fuhrer, I really want to introduce you to my sister, Rarity."

"How old is she?" Hitler asked.

"Huh?"

"What's her age?"

"Well, she's older than us if that's what you mean." Sweetie Belle said.

"Fine, I'll meet her."

* * *

"Darling, what have you done to yourself!?" Rarity said as she ran up to Hitler.

No, _What the heck is that thing?_ No, _Who __the heck are you?_ Just _Why are you wearing those drea_ry _clothes_.

"Darling, that uniform looks terrible on you." Rarity said.

"I'll admit it's not my more... ceremonial uniform." Hitler replied. "These are my casual clothes."

"Sweetie Belle," Rarity whispered to her sister and dragged her aside. "You are to stay away from this ruffian."

"But Rarity," Sweetie Belle said, with a devilish grin on her face.

"Listen Sweetie Belle, this creature has no sense of fashion. He's dangerous!" Rarity said.

"But Rarity," Sweetie Belle said.

"Run, Sweetie Belle. when I give the signal, you run and you don't look back."

"RARITY!" Sweetie Belle shouted.

"What?" Rarity asked.

"This is the King of Germany."

"What?" the look on Rarity's face was hilarious.

"He's the King, er, I mean the Fuhrer of Germany. Are you calling royalty unfashionable?" Sweetie Belle was trying her best to keep a straight face but it was beginning to fail.

"I... I... But... What..." Rarity tried to compose herself. "Of course not. I was only joking. You appreciate a good joke, darling?" she asked Hitler.

"Well, we better take the Fuhrer, as we are his personal escorts-"

_Oh God no._

"Back to Applejack's farm."

"Of course, of course." Rarity said.

As Hitler was about to walk through the door.

"Wait, Mr. Fuhrer." Rarity said.

"What?" Hitler asked. He was kind of happy to have an excuse to not be in the same room as those blasted Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"Applejack's barn isn't the most comfortable place in Ponyville. You can stay here if you like." Rarity offered.

"Madam," Hitler replied. "I would not stay in the same house as your family even if my life depended on it."

Angrily, he barged out the door and slammed it shut.

"NOOOOO!" Rarity shrieked.

* * *

"So, where to next my Fuhrer?" Applebloom asked.

"Well-"

"Hey guys, maybe we'll get our cutie marks in personal escorts." she told Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.

"That'd be awesome," Scootaloo replied.

"Well, I was thinking of visiting what's her name? The one with the purple dragon that lives in a library?" Hitler asked anxiously.

"Twilight Sparkle?"

"Yes. I was going to visit her. Maybe she's found something to whisk me back to my world." _Oh please God._

"We hope you never leave, Mr. Fuhrer." the Cutie Mark Crusaders hugged him by the legs. "We hope you stay with us forever."

Resisting the urge to faint or run away, he simply patted them on the heads.

* * *

"Well, I haven't gotten a response from Princess Celestia yet." Twilight said as she was rummaging through her books. "But if anyone can teleport you back to your world. It'll be her."

"I wish she would hurry up." Hitler said impatiently. "Truth be told those little Cutie Mark Crusaders have been driving me crazy."

"They've been known to do that. Where are they now?"

"I sent them to get me a cupcake," Hitler said. "I made sure to make it extra complicated so it will-"

"We're back!" Applebloom announced triumphantly.

"Oh no," Hitler muttered.

"Here's your vanilla-chocolate-pineapple-peanut butter-broccoli cupcake with a dash of rainbow." Applebloom said.

"Wow. That was... very nice of you." Hitler said. "Where ever did you manage to find it?"

"Oh, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash made it. Rainbow Dash isn't exactly the best baker in the world so-"

"Well thank you," Hitler said as he bit into the frosting. Swallowing the puke in his mouth he gave a very pained smile.

"Now that you mention it, I haven't seen Rainbow Dash around since she went off to Sugarcube Corner. She must be around somewhere though," Twilight Sparkle said unconcerned.

"Well, we better get going my little ponies." Hitler said.

"Alright. Bye Twilight."

"Bye girls. Bye Adolf."

After the Crusaders went out the door, Hitler turned to Twilight Sparkle.

"What are the chances that some moron would make the same exact cupcake that I wanted before I even purposefully wanted it so that it would take forever to make?"

"It's just Rainbow Dash. She does the impossible."

"I just wish she could do the impossible elsewhere."

* * *

**(a/n Well, that concludes Chapter Two. I know, I'm terrible for making all those Cupcakes reference but I can't help it. If you have a suggestion, feel free to suggest it.)**


End file.
